EPIC FAIL

Www.urbandictionary.com has several definitions of epic fail.  The first being "complete and total failure when success should have been reasonably easy to attain".  That pretty much describes what eating was like for me...seems like a reasonably attainable thing to do but was met with failure.  Some people may work 9 to 5, but my body was definitely not working 5 to 9.  Those weeks were what I refer to as an epic fail!

Eating.  Doesn't sound difficult.  Most people joke that all a pregnant woman does is eat.  "Oh, she's eating for two."  Like it's some precious thing.  And let's be honest...it is a pretty nice excuse when you do feel like eating to have a little extra.  After all, pregnancy is the only time a belly is cute.

But usually before the excessive eating is this period of epic failure.  I can't tell you how wasteful I have felt.  Several times my sweet husband would get food I would tell him I thought I could eat, only for me to stare at it trying not to dry heave.  There is nothing better than trying to chew food and not vomit at the same time.  Most of the time I would throw it out or ask my husband to eat it.  We have joked that he is going to gain more weight than me because he keeps having to eat my food so I don't feel wasteful.  He is a good man.

My favorite is the trips to the store.  When you have no cravings its a little difficult to buy food.  At one point I was just putting random items in the cart.  I figured something would have to work at home.  I let my husband by stuff I never buy.  Spaghettios?  Sure.  Why not?  Beef jerky?  Sure...as long as he doesn't eat it anywhere near me because that is an epic smell fail.  Chocolate chip mini muffins?  Well, anything mini is cute.

This epic fail is not limited to food.  It also applies to drinks.  When water was an issue, because water is not exactly comforting to a queezy stomach, I bought three different kinds of gatorade.  None of which seemed to taste normal (probably because everything tasted like metal).  So, I bought orange juice and pomegranate juice to mix.  Then there was Caprisuns.  What am I five?  I felt like I was regressing.  I am a girl who believes in organic fruits and veggies, whole grains, healthy food.  And I am drinking juice boxes.

BUT...what I have discovered in all of that is that sometimes failure is okay.  It's not a word we like.  But better to have tried and failed, than to not have tried at all, especially when it comes to eating for two.  Or at least that is what I am telling myself to feel a little less wasteful and to embrace the fact that weeks 5 to 9 were an EPIC FAIL!  Week 10 has been much kinder and so I am putting the failure behind me and pressing on (said as I chow down on a chocolate chunk brownie).

Maternity Girl

Unless you have lived under a rock for...well, your whole life...you are familiar with Madonna's song "Material Girl".  "We are living in a material world and I am a material girl..."

Well...nowadays I am a "Maternity Girl" living in a maternity world...or at least my world is a maternity world.  I'm a floral designer who loves color and pattern.  I am busy. A doer.  Always on the go.  Like many when I first found out I was pregnant....which was fairly recently...I felt great!  Cleaned up a storm.  Window shopped for all the baby things I would want to buy.  Life was normal except for this little thing growing inside me.

And then it happened!  The sickness set in.  Not just "morning sickness" so commonly talked about.  All day sickness.  Suddenly I was hardly eating, which meant not taking my prenatal vitamins.  What happened to my fun little pregnant world.  Reality.  Don't get me wrong.  I am so HAPPY to be pregnant.  It's so exciting to dream of what it will feel like to hold our child for the first time.  To dream of what he or she will be like, look like.  Of knowing a love I know I can't possibly understand right now.  But if I read one more thing about eating a nutritious, balanced diet and taking your vitamins I thought I was going to scream.  Thanks books and websites for all the guilt trips about what a terrible mother-to-be I am depriving my baby of the proper nutrition and possibly causing permanent damage.

As I lived on crackers, apples and the occasional cup of soup, and as I tried to find something to drink that didn't make me want to gag, it occurred to me that whoever wrote those things must never had been sick when they were pregnant.  Lucky, but not my reality.

So I am thinking I am not the only one to make this journey feeling weird and thankful the doctor called in zofran for me.  So I decided to start this blog.  To help someone, if not just myself, feel a little less guilty and a little more encouraged about getting past sickness, the constipation (that's right), the weird "I just look fat not pregnant" phase and find some humor in this maternity world.

I am a 33 year old Maternity Girl and I am trying to navigate my new maternity world as gracefully as possible...and for me that means having a sense of humor and being real.  So I hope you will join me in my little world!