Lessons From My Mother

Okay...so my mom sort of made me feel guilty about how my blog is always sarcastic.  In fact, I am pretty sure she made a comment somewhere along the lines of how I don't sound like I am happy to be pregnant and excited about the future.  My mom is right.  Most of my blogs are somewhat sarcastic and finding the humor in the not so glamorous side of pregnancy.  Pregnancy is a mix of the surreal miracle of what is going on inside of your body and the awkwardness that comes with it.  But I could not be more excited about being a mom, and she knows that.  She just wants everyone else to know how happy I am...and for that I love her.  She is always looking out for me.

For Mother's Day my dad had myself, my sister and some other ladies in our church make a video talking about what we had learned from our moms.  So it made me think about what lessons I learned from my own mother that I hope to carry on.

So here goes...and yes mom, some of them are funny.

Selflessness - I used to think this was an innate trait built in all moms from the moment they conceive.  But years of watching the news and working with high school girls has made me realize not every mom is selfless.  I am not saying they are bad moms...just that they lack the ability to put their children first above their own needs. 

My mom often sacrificed having a new outfit...or a new pair of shoes...and if you knew my mom you would know the shoe thing is a MAJOR sacrifice as she is what I would consider a shoe collector.  But if it meant buying something for me or my sister or us needing something for school or some activity, she would gladly forgo something for herself.  I never knew how to appreciate this until I became pregnant.  And suddenly buying things for our little boy seemed more important than shopping for myself.  I certainly think moms should take care of themselves, pamper themselves, have hobbies...  I am just talking more about those moments when you have to decide...you or your kids.

My mom brought me forgotten lunches, attended every game and performance, drove me all around, etc.  I think you get the picture.  She just did without complaining.  I can't ever remember her complaining...at least to us kids...about having to do for us.  And I often think she missed out on some things in life because she was doing for us.

Blame Dad for All the Bad Traits
We joke about this as a family.  Every time my sister or I did something stupid or talked back, our mom's response was, "you are just like your father."  Followed with, "I raised you better."  I have always found this hilarious.  And I have a hunch our little Grayden will be hearing those same words come out of my mouth at some point.

Grace
My mom has a steadfast love for Jesus and I am convinced this is probably what enabled her to have so much grace with us.  Don't get me wrong...we got in trouble.  But there was always forgiveness.  I am pretty sure there were times she just wanted to ground us for life, but she practiced grace.  I hope that I practice grace with my son.  That I remember he is human and that God will remind me everyday of the grace He has bestowed on me.

Every Now and Then....Dance
One of my favorite memories of my mom is her dancing in the kitchen to C&C Music Factory.  Remember them?  We were cleaning house...and I was only productive with music on.  So I put on my music and instead of mom making me turn it off, she saw me dancing and joined in.  I laughed so hard.  She just let loose, didn't care if she made a fool of herself, and danced.

Sometimes You Just Have to Let Them Be Who They Are
My mom and I are different in quite a few ways.  She was the oldest of her siblings, incredibly responsible and a rule follower.  I am the baby of our family, some (my sister) would say spoiled, and think many rules are sort of dumb and are only there for people who can't be trusted.  From what I hear and have heard via tape recordings, I was a stinker of a kid.  My mom would find me sitting on the dishwasher door licking knives.  Weird.  I apparently grabbed a fistful of a man's hair once and picked my feet up off the ground, pulling his head back in pain.  I guess I was curious.  I loved playing sports and doing outdoor projects.  I lived in my own world of song and entertainment. She let me pick out a rabbit from the vet that had no ears and no tail because the mom had chewed them off.  She let me bring it home and love it.  I can think of countless ways my mom just had to let me be me.  I am sure there were times she just didn't get me.  But she loved me enough to let me be me.  She guided me and taught me wrong from right, but she let me have my interests even if she didn't get them.

I know there will be days I wonder if Grayden is really my son...especially when he is a teenager.  But like my mom, I will accept that he is not me.  He is uniquely him.  Made by God for a special purpose different from mine.

You Eventually Have to Let Them Go
This I imagine is the hardest thing as a parent.  When I was a teenager, I was very active.  Lots of friends.  Involved in everything at school I could be...sports, theater, class officer.  I wasn't home much.  I often feel like I probably missed out on some good memories with my family because I was so busy.  There were times my mom would jokingly ask if I didn't like them, but I knew what she meant.  They missed me.  I couldn't appreciate being missed by my parents until I got older.  And now that I am going to be a mom, I already dread the day my son is too busy or too cool for me.

Then comes college.  I will never forget the tearful goodbye when my parents dropped me off at Texas A&M University.  I chose a college SO close to home, but it felt so far at first.  In the beginning, every time I came home my mom would cry as I backed out of the driveway to go back to school.  Not because she wasn't proud of me.  Not because she wanted me to drop out of school.  But because she genuinely missed me.  And up until my adult life, I never imagined that she might actually miss me.  And I think as an adult I realize just how much I missed them.  But they were doing what you have to do...let your kids go out in the world and live.  As much as you love them and want to keep them forever in your care and protection, you know they have to grow up and learn about life.  I am forever grateful that my mom had the courage to let me go.

Growing up doesn't mean we don't need our moms anymore.  Our need just changes.  As I face motherhood, I realize how much I will need her.  But the need now is for friendship, advice, encouragement.  And most certainly, her reassuring me I am a good mom when I feel like I am failing.

Mom...thank you for being a wonderful example of selfless love!  I can't wait for Grayden to experience it!  Love you!!!

Top Five (things you can only do or say to a woman when she's pregnant)

It has occurred to me that when you are pregnant people do and say things that would never be appropriate to otherwise...and as my doctor said, some are borderline inappropriate to say to a pregnant lady.  After experiencing some awkward and funny incidences I decided to make my top five list.

So here it is...TOP FIVE things you can only get away with doing or saying to a woman when she is pregnant.

5.  "Wow...you have gotten big!"

• I think I would rather people quote "The Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground and say, "Yo fat girl, come 'ere are ya ticklish?  Yea, I called you fat."  I mean at least that would make me laugh.  I have yet to meet any woman not pregnant where that is a compliment.  Pregnant women are usually aware of just how big they are getting, however, it's not really offensive.  At least to me.  The bigger this belly gets, the closer I am to due date.  So come on little one and grow! 

4.  "Are you sure there aren't two in there?"

• Okay...this one has been said to me on more than one occasion.  And while it makes me laugh, I also have to wonder if I am abnormally large at this stage or confirm what I fear may be true that this baby is going to be huge.  The fact that I was 9 lbs. 12 oz. and my husband was 9 lbs. 2 oz. when we were born does not exactly allow the genetics for a smaller baby.   I just keep picturing the birthing scene from the Twilight Breaking Dawn movie.  If you haven't seen it, I will spare you the details. 

3.  "Let me look at you from behind."

• This could be a compliment to a non-pregnant woman only if followed by "dang girl, you look good."  It is only bad for a pregnant woman when followed by the affirmation that you indeed look pregnant from behind.  Ha ha.  If I started asking women who are not pregnant to let me look at them from behind and then commenting on their backside in any way other than how firm their butt looks, I would lose a lot of friends.  

2.  Touching the belly.

• If I ever went up to a non-pregnant woman and rubbed her belly, well, I might get slapped.  Or arrested. I wonder what would happen if when someone rubs my belly I start rubbing theirs, too.  This is definitely something you can only get away with doing to someone with child. I honestly get the fascination with knowing there is life inside that protruding bulge.  Heck, I rub my own belly all the time.  Some pregnant women despise having people touch their stomachs.  I really only get weirded out if it's a stranger.  I think I have just become used to it.  I might make a shirt that says, "$10 to touch the tummy" and start turning a profit on this thing.  

And finally...

1.   Someone you really don't know grabbing your belly and hugging it.

• Yes...this happened to me at the flower market.  A very sweet lady, who was excited to see my belly, came over and leaned down and hugged it....for a while.  The best part was my business partner coming through the doors and witnessing me standing their, hands awkwardly in the air, not sure what to do.  I thought she was going to die...of laughter of course.  Let's just say that if I came up to any of you and hugged your belly you would think I was a freak.  But when someone is pregnant it is totally normal.